It’s an eerie sound. It’s lonesome. It’s angry. It’s a sound one doesn’t want to hear – ever. It’s a sound one doesn’t want to make. It’s a sound that is unmistakable. This sound neither belongs in your ears, nor in your heart, but we are allowed to make it. We are expected to make the sound should the occasion arise. It is understandable. It speaks more than we want to hear. The sound is chaotic, yet sounds the same to each listener. It is a sound that stops you. It is a sound that once heard, never leaves you. It should be reverenced, but we hear it on the television all too much. It is the sound one makes when they were just told they lost a child unexpectedly. I heard that sound today. Although I have heard it before, it was the first time I heard it as a nurse. I heard the ache, the anger, the sadness, the despair, the yet unspoken “I love you’s” and “I miss you’s.” It was hard to hear. It was alltogether too close to home. Although I had a very low patient load today, I feel I worked 2-12 hour shifts. And I didn’t even work with this family…just worked with others involved. From one end of the ER to the other, death resonated. It was definately hard.
It’s interesting to watch from my perspective. I have a strong understanding of the purpose of life, where I am, where I come from and where I am going. I have strong convictions of spirituality, religion, God, Jesus and eternal life – that we are immortal beings awaiting eternity while here on earth…growing, learning, serving and preparing. This life has many milestones – birth, death are the two major ones…but there are so many in between. Discover each one and when life becomes death…well, I have no advice. Right now, I only have this knowledge and testinmony that I can lean on. Those of us who are left behind have such a hard time with it…letting go. It’s hard. I hope that when my life finds death among it that I can make it through OK. In the meantime, I will count the milestones. See the magic. Live the life. Learn. Love. Laugh. Simply.
